Yes, I've said that Dan Bergstein is awesome. And, no, I've not changed my mind, because I am not fickle like Dan. Fickle isn't technically a bad thing. And in his defense, Dan is only like this because of the unbelievably ridiculous Twilight series that some people call books.
Anyways, back to my point. I, Marcus, with my amazing relationship sensing powers, am here to declare Dan Bergstein, Mr. Lt. Lasermind, fickle.
Have you guys seen how many times that man has changed his mind?
Case 1: Alice
First, he loves Alice. Alice was his third or fourth character in Twilight for awhile, just after me (Dan won't admit it, but he loves me), Emmett, and sometimes Jacob (Dan's relationship with Jacob is even more fickle, I'll get to that later).
And why did Dan stop loving Alice? Just because she kidnaps Bella from time to time, she has an unexplainable power that works randomly, and she likes to keep people in the dark?
But who doesn't love a kidnapper?
And Alice's power is very much explainable! Her power works when Stephanie Meyer needs it to work and doesn't work when Mrs. Meyer needs it not to work. Period. It doesn't take a mind reader to figure this out.
Dear Lt. Lasermind,
I know your mind is laser-sharp, but use your brain powers somewhere more useful, like assisting your brother with his laser building. Don't waste it on Alice who simply follows Mrs. Meyer's wishes.
Sincerely,
Marcus
And Alice only keeps people in the dark because she has to show off her power and feel special somehow, or else she would be ordinary. It's not like she has super powers as cool as mine. I can read relationships, blog about them, and make people smile loudly. Not everyone is that special!
My point is, Dan has now stopped loving Alice because of some things that are not even her fault. In fact, Alice is now among some of Dan's least favorite characters, along with Edward and Bella.
Case 2: Jacob
Dan loved Jacob. In fact, he has a semi crush on that guy, the crush a straight guy has on another straight guy.
By the way, in case you guys are wondering, Dan is straight as he claims to be. Do doubt there.
But now Dan has changed his mind. And all Jacob has done is lie, force kiss a girl twice, fell in love with the emotionally unstable Bella, and is talking more emotional crap just like Edward.
But who doesn't like someone who force kisses someone else? Some people might consider it sexual assault, but Bella definitely likes it. I mean, she actually realized that she loved him during the second of these force kisses.
Just because of these reasons, he gets replaced by Seth, who hasn't made any appearances in the books except for ripping off Riley's arms? Come on, how fickle is that.
Case 3: Breaking Dawn
Now Dan loves Breaking Dawn, just see his new blog: http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/05/20/blogging-eclipse-part-26
He's saying things like he can't wait for the book and he's going to get tattoos featuring the book and stuff.
Dan, I don't usually spoil books, but I'm going to ruin this one for you. Nothing exciting happens in Breaking Dawn! Nothing! No jet packs, no Emmett with swords, no pirates, no robots! The only bright part about it is me! Yes, I show up just for a tiny bit!
Instead, the book is filled with more emotional soul-talks and more disturbing plots.
And Dan, you'll change your mind and hate it very, very soon. (Yes, I have the occasional moments when I can also predict the future.) So, I hope you haven't gotten your tattoo of "Breaking Dawn is not a bucket of fail!" yet. Because, if you have, you'll have to get it surgically removed soon enough, at least the "not" part.
There you go, here is your post of Dan Bergstein is fickle post.
Next time on Marcus's Trashy Gossip Blog: Honestly, I'm not sure yet, it depends on what relationship reveals itself in the next few days.
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